Getting a Divorce

Our wedding day is one that we look forward to years before it even happens. It is considered to be one of the happiest and most important times in our life and represents the start of a new chapter in our lives. Sadly however for many people ’till death do us part’ isn’t quite the reality that they get. For many married couples the bliss that comes with marriage, doesn’t last forever and for whatever reason there is a need for the marriage to come to an end via a divorce.

Going through the process of a divorce isn’t an easy time for either party involved. It is a highly emotional and trying time as well as being one that is tied up in laws and restrictions. Carrying on with a marriage that clearly isn’t working and that is causing unnecessary unhappiness can be far more destructive for the people involved than the effect of a divorce. The most important aspect when it comes to a divorce of course is whether a court should grant the divorce or not.

There are two main basic approaches to divorce, which are fault based and no fault based. The type of approach that is taken towards divorce depends on which state you live in. 49 states have adopted no fault divorce laws with grounds for divorce that include incompatibility, unsolvable differences and an irreversible breakdown of the marriage. No fault divorce is the main approach that is taken to divorce; however a fault based approach is also still used in certain states. A fault divorce can include aspects such as adultery or a complete breakdown of marriage. With a fault approach to divorce there is a general need to provide proof that demonstrates that the marriage has broken down beyond repair. It should be noted however that even if a state has adopted a no fault policy when it comes to divorce a court may still take into account the behavior of the parties when aspects such as property division, debts and child custody are considered.

The basic difference that determines what approach is being taken towards divorce is whether a state is liberal or conservative. It has been said that these divorce laws have made the divorce process simpler to attempt. Also the fact that every state follows its own laws when it comes to divorce it means that people do not deviate from state wise defined laws.

According to a statement released in 2005 it has been said that married couples now divorce two and a half times as often as adults did 20 years ago and four times as often as they did 50 years ago. It is estimated that between 40% and 60% of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. 20% of divorce is said to come from the first five years of marriage and 33% of marriage is said to end in divorce within the first 10 years.

There are numerous reasons as to why couples end up filing for divorce but whatever the reason is it is important that you have the correct help and guidance to get you through the divorce proceedings.

How to Recoup Your Self Esteem After a Divorce (911 Words)

Getting a divorce is a major life change, and it can leave many with low self-esteem. Self-esteem can be greatly shattered when going through a divorce, since normally a person’s life partner is who made them feel great about themselves in the first place. Even though divorce can seem like the end of the world to some, there are many effective ways to build your self-esteem back up and live a happy and health life. Women can follow these eight steps to rebuild their self-esteem after a divorce, so they can go back out into the world feeling as great as they did before the divorce.

When going through a divorce, the first thing a woman should do is talk about it with a best friend or close family member. By talking with a friend, you can get everything off of your chest as well as get another opinion about the situation. Having a friend to talk to will make you feel loved, cherished, and important, since a divorce can make a woman feel completely opposite.

Having positive thoughts also will help to gain back self-esteem when going through a divorce, since you can guide yourself to think a certain way. Even when you may be feeling down in the dumps and at the lowest point ever in your life, you can think positive and make your life turn out positive. If you think you cannot deal with the divorce, you wont be able to. Thinking you can do it and that you will be okay will make it so you really can do it and you really will be okay. Once you focus your mind on happy and positive thoughts, you will start to believe them and actually be able to be happy and positive.

Forgetting about the past is a major key when trying to gain back your self-esteem. No matter what the reason for the divorce was, you need to learn from your past mistakes and move on with your life. Instead of dwelling on what you did wrong all the time, think about how you can fix yourself as a person and do better in the future. Even though finding another mate may be the last thing on your mind right now, you should think about how to better yourself rather than trying to figure out what you did wrong.

By being around other people, your self-esteem level can rise dramatically. Just by interacting at your local grocery store or coffee shop, you will find yourself able to talk with strangers without feel self-conscious. Friends and family members are also great to surround yourself with, since their positive attitudes can rub off on you and leave you feeling great. Surround yourself with people you love, because they will be able to show you what a great person you really are.

Perfection is something that almost everybody would like to achieve, but in reality it is impossible. Let go of thinking that you want to be perfect, because nobody is and nobody ever will be. You need to understand that you are entitled to make mistakes just like everybody else in the world, and you should never beat yourself up for any mistake that you have made. By getting rid of this idea of perfection, your self-esteem will not drop each time you feel you are not perfect.

Never compare yourself to anyone that you know, because you are your own unique individual. You may have friends who are happily married and may seem perfect, but that has nothing to do with your situation. By comparing yourself to others, you can put a huge impact on your self-esteem that is completely unnecessary. Remember that who are who you are for a reason, and you were put on this planet to be yourself, and nobody else.

Most marriages involve shared expenses, and this can sometimes be difficult to deal with during a divorce. Make yourself financially stable, because money is something you should not have to worry about during this time in your life. Because money issues can always be stressful, you should make sure that money would be one less thing you have to worry about. Being financially stable can also help to boost your self-esteem, since you wont have to rely on anybody else.

Writing a diary can be very beneficial to any woman who is going through a divorce, because it really helps to express your thoughts and feelings on paper. There may be some things that you are feeling that you would not like to talk to someone about, so instead you can let your diary know. By getting these feelings out and onto paper, you can get them off of your mind and decrease the amount of stress you are going through right now. You can vent about anything you want in your diary, and never have to feel embarrassed or shy about what someone may think.

Because divorce can cause a major decrease in your self-esteem levels, you need to make sure you are on top of it. There are many different ways to increase your self-esteem after a divorce, and all it requires is a little bit of friends mixed with some personal self-esteem boosting thoughts. Divorce is just a little speed bump in the road of your entire life, and you will get through it as long as you know what it takes to get over that bump in the road.

If you are unfortunate enough to find yourself caught in a divorce during these tough economic times, you’re going to wonder how you can make sure your interests are protected in your divorce without breaking the bank in the process. Here are five suggestions from http://www.midohiodivorce.com to help keep the cost of your divorce litigation in check.

1. Don’t even consider going it alone unless you have no other choice.

One trend which has been frustrating family courts has been the increase of “pro se” divorce filings. “Pro se” is the term commonly used for parties who are without legal counsel. Although a divorce can be a complex matter fraught with opportunities to make extremely costly errors, the court generally cannot provide legal advice to the parties nor can it refuse to hear the case without involvement of qualified divorce counsel. Even with a slight error in language, the end result can be the loss of an interest in retirement funds, the loss of child custody, the inability to discharge debts in bankruptcy, errors in spousal support calculation, and numerous other possibilities. Even if the end result is satisfactory, going it alone can result in needless frustration, a substantial, and unforeseen, time commitment on the part of the pro se parties and the court, and more cost than initially anticipated in light of additional court costs and time away from work finalizing the case.

When looking at the cost of divorce litigation, parties often look at the expense of the attorney and court costs alone without taking other, indirect, costs into account. While an attorney may charge $1,500.00 for an uncontested divorce, a party who decides to represent himself may find that the fee would have been well worth it once he goes through the process of doing the requisite research, completing the requisite forms, filing them, and addressing any problems raised by the court.

The general rule regarding legal representation in your divorce case is simply this: the earlier in the divorce process that you consult legal counsel, the more effective your legal counsel can be. While you might not be sure as to whether you wish to file for divorce or take other steps to address the conflict in your relationship, an experienced family law attorney can be a considerable resource. While most experienced family law attorneys maintain a low fee for initial consultations, they are also willing to discuss your options with you so that you may make an informed decision. Further, many maintain a list of competent marriage counselors and other community resources to assist you. They can also help you consider whether certain actions will affect you positively or negatively in a future divorce case.

If you simply do not have the financial ability to hire a qualified family law attorney, there are a few other options available to you. Quite often, the local Legal Aid Society will provide representation to indigent clients in divorce cases. You should also contact the local bar association and local law schools to see whether they offer a divorce clinic where indigent parties can obtain free representation in their divorce cases. If all else fails, and you do have to complete your paperwork yourself, you can often hire local counsel for a nominal fee to simply review your paperwork and advise you regarding any glaring errors he or she may find before you submit it to the court for filing.

2. Consider using alternative dispute resolution.

Sometimes even the roughest conflicts can be resolved amicably through mediation or collaborative law. The only true way to limit the expense of your divorce is to try and resolve your issues amicably with your spouse. This can involve one on one mediation or a settlement conference with your attorneys present. However, you should always inquire with your attorney regarding options for settlement or streamlining the process through any available alternative dispute resolution programs.

3. Do your research before retaining counsel.

In interviewing attorneys, make sure you know as much as possible about their experience and focus of their practices before making a final determination. Family law attorneys can have varying degrees of experience as well as a broad range of strengths, skills, relevant education and training, and, of course, weaknesses. In choosing an attorney to represent your interests, you should seek out an experienced and concerned attorney who will represent your interests and promote your goals zealously while also making sure that your decisions are being made based on reason rather than emotion. Most importantly, you should seek out an attorney with whom you are comfortable and who you feel you can trust.

The determination of whether one is comfortable with an attorney and feels that he or she can trust the attorney is obviously a personal, and subjective, one. However, the determination of whether an attorney possesses the optimal amount of experience and knowledge in family law can be easily researched and ascertained through a couple of questions in the initial intervie.

Find out, for example, if your state offers a “family law specialist” designation and, if so, whether the attorney you are consulting with is a family law specialist. Quite often, a state family law specialty designation carries heightened requirements concerning the percentage of the attorney’s practice devoted to family law cases, continuing legal education dedicated to family law issues, references from local family law attorneys and court staff, and often even submission to a family law specialty exam or other advanced screening process.

Not specializing in Family Law Practice does not mean an attorney is not competent to handle a Family Law case. However, where the attorney is not a specialist, or if you live in a state which does not offer a family law specialist designation, you should still inquire regarding the percentage of the attorney’s practice which is devoted to family law cases. Often, a greater focus on family law cases will entail an office with staff who are more experienced with the family law process and in handling issues which may arise from day to day as well as a more streamlined approach to handling domestic cases which, in turn, may result in more efficient and expedient representation.

4. Know your attorney’s full billing policy.

Recently, I read an advertisement for a “$350.00 flat fee for uncontested divorce” offered by a local law firm where I practice. The ad seemed deceptive since the filing fees for a divorce in the county where I practice were $250.00 which were clearly not included in the quoted price of $350.00 for an uncontested divorce. With the filing fee, the cost of a process server and any other necessary outside expenses, the ultimate cost of the divorce would be similar to the rates charged by other attorneys in the area. Thus, regardless of whether the attorney charges a flat fee or an hourly rate, you should always review the attorney’s billing policy to see whether there are other charges such as filing fees, postage, service of process, long-distance telephone charges, copies, or other charges in addition to the quoted fee.

The other key word in the “$350.00 flat fee for uncontested divorce” ad was the word “uncontested.” Often, parties will jump at the offer without asking the question of what happens if they cannot reach an agreement with their spouse on the terms of the divorce. If this happens, the “uncontested” divorce quickly becomes a “contested” one and the client often has to pay additional fees for contested divorce representation.

5. Know whether your attorney incorporates recent technological advances into his or her practice.

Does the attorney use email? Believe it or not, there are still attorneys who do not have a computer in their offices let alone use document automation software or computerized case management systems. They rely upon more traditional methods of communication and this works well for them and their clients. However, with such methods comes the need for additional personnel, increased telephone expense, and a greater time investment than would exist if these technologies were used.

Document assembly software is simply software which generates the various forms required for a divorce filing from a central database of client information. Rather than entering the same information numerous times on numerous forms, the information is entered once and the documents are automatically populated with the requisite information. Document assembly software streamlines the document assembly process and allows attorneys to spend less time drafting paperwork and more time focusing on the legal issues in the case.

Divorce Records: You can easily access this information by simply logging on to an online database. Thanks to the Internet, free access to public divorce records is now more convenient. The federal, state and local governments have all acted in response to the demands to make some public divorce record information available without requiring physical visits to their facilities. Today, a collection of public divorce records is accessible online, and the good thing is that both the quantity and quality of these divorce records increases day by day.. Where can I find public records? There are a few ways in which you can find public records.

The bureaucratic labyrinths of differing jurisdictions location and access to policies made it complicated to make use of public records as a research tool. See instant indiana divorce records. Thanks to the Internet, free access to public divorce records is now more convenient. The federal, state and local governments have all acted in response to the demands to make some public divorce record information available without requiring physical visits to their facilities. Today, a collection of public divorce records is accessible online, and the good thing is that both the quantity and quality of these divorce records increases day by day.. Search from over 1 Billion Official US Government Records at micheal ybarra texas divorce search

In order to find court records on your own you would need years. Free searches at http://www.divorcerecordusa.info/county-divorce-records/lewis-county-divorce-records.php You should educate yourself to your rights through a consultation with a qualified divorce attorney. A divorce attorney can help protect you and your rights. Your rights and obligations during this time can easily be overlooked if you delay in consulting a divorce attorney. It only makes sense to be represented by a divorce attorney to protect your legal rights. Step one in the process of selecting a divorce attorney is to identify the type of case that you have. In order to do this, you need to select a divorce attorney who you can have confidence in throughout the divorce process. Do a search for “divorce attorney free email case review”, and see what you can find.

Questions about divorce usually begin with people asking their friends who have already gone through the divorce process. They are generally subtle so the person being asked doesn’t really know that the one asking is contemplating a divorce. They ask questions about how the kids are doing or whether they’re still in touch with their ex. To those who haven’t gone through divorce the whole thing is a big mystery and very scary. Usually the person who is contemplating divorce has a friend they will soon confide in to gain support for their own move in that direction. A person being asked is seen as somewhat of an expert because they have gone through it, and the person being asked finds some relief from their own pain by sharing their experience. Unfortunately the questions that are being asked are the wrong questions. Usually the first question that is asked once the person comes clean is, “Was it worth it?” The typical response is the response of someone who felt they had no choice in the matter, so they answer yes. I would prefer other questions were asked rather than “how to” questions. So I have prepared a list of 6 divorce questions along with the truthful answers.

Was the person you divorced the same person you married?

Was your spouse a good mother or father, or did they beat or otherwise abuse your children?

Were you a loving spouse, or did you not care anymore?

Do you love your spouse?

Did you ever get a marriage manual?

Are your kids really doing OK now that you are divorced?

I met with someone today who was in tremendous pain because he didn’t know what to do anymore; he was losing his wife. His situation was so bad that his wife wouldn’t meet with he and I together. The truth is he was not a good husband and was quick to blame his wife for the breakdown of their relationship. They have two little children and so I agreed to meet with him alone, even though I usually don’t meet with only one of a couple.

When I asked him if he still loved his wife his response, although in the affirmative, was not very strong. When I asked him if he loved his children his response was clear as a bell. He was worn out and didn’t know what to do. I asked him if he read the marriage manual and he said he hadn’t ever heard of one. I said, “I know; until I wrote it there wasn’t one, so don’t be too hard on yourself for completely screwing up your marriage” (I only talk to men that way). I explained to him that he was like a guy who found himself in the cockpit of a plane, and had no idea how to fly. To make matters worse when he looks back he sees two children, and a woman depending on him to fly the plane. Now I’m not suggesting a marriage only requires a man knowing what to do, but it was an illustration he could relate to. He needed to understand that he simply didn’t have the tools needed to be successful.

I asked him if his wife was a good mother to their children and he acknowledged that he had some difficulties with some of her practices. I got all over him (again, a man to man conversation is much different) for having the audacity to point to a few particular things he didn’t care about, rather than point to some of the amazing things she does with the children. He understood what I was driving at. He had the choice, and had chosen, to be mean rather than supportive. So I questioned him some more about her virtues vs. her negative qualities, this time he pointed out her superior qualities, telling me he understood my point.

I asked him if his wife was as beautiful and charming as when he first met her, dated her and eventually asked her to marry him. He acknowledged that she was even more so. I then asked him why he didn’t continue to treat her the way he did when they first met. I asked him if someone gave him permission to start abusing her. He said no, and he also said he was starting to understand my point of view.

I told him he needed to read the Lessons For A Happy Marriage book, which covers all of these topics from many perspectives, in order to prove marriage is heaven on earth, when you know what to do.

Before you get a divorce or even seriously think about one, ask yourself if you are like that pilot in a plane who just hadn’t read the manual yet. Chances are very good you are married to exactly the person you should be married to but have no idea how to behave in order to make your marriage the kind of marriage you deserve.

Now the last question about the children; if you believe your kids will be OK after you get a divorce you have been duped. The kids don’t do OK. You could ask any teacher about what happens to children when their parents are going through divorce. The little boys crumble for all to see and the little girls internalize the suffering. Their lives are shattered and their futures become uncertain. Not only do they not do as well in school, they don’t do as well in life. Yes, there are always some who look like they beat the odds but you don’t have to take that chance with your own children. I don’t believe that you should suffer your entire life in a horrible marriage just for your children. I believe you should make your marriage a blissful satisfying heavenly experience. It would be better to suffer if you had to, rather than destroy the lives of your children. With a full heart say to your spouse, “I love you.”

There are very few tragedies that impact a child more than the splitting of his or her parents.  The foundation for a child is their parents; both of them. 

Going through a divorce creates a tragedy for the child.  The effects of the court system undermine the very people the child needs to lean on most: mom and dad.  Most teachers believe boys suffer more and are less adaptable then girls.  I don’t agree.  I think boys are more simple creatures so reflect more outwardly the horrible disaster divorce has on them.  But there is absolutely no question that the better parents get along, even after a split, the better off children are in both the short and long term.

To understand the effects of divorce on children, we will first look at the divorce process, core problems in the system, then how this affects children.

The Divorce Process

When a young law student wrote to me with questions on Facebook, I mentioned two flaws of the family law system from the point of view of couples going through it. Before I mention those two core problems, there is another, greater flaw from an objective and higher point of view.

The body of family law corrupts what is known as “rule by law” (the basis of Roman and thus English and American law). It does this by the nearly unlimited discretion imparted to judges.  Legislators want to allow for almost anything in “the name of” helping the family, thus family law has become a free-for-all that rarely is “just” or beneficial to the family.  Unfortunately, numerous practitioners prey on families in the guise of trying to help.

When a couple walks into the courtroom it is never known what the outcome will be until the judge has issued his orders. Even after the judge has ruled, he is not obligated to explain his decision. I have seen sensible recommendations completely ignored. I have also seen insane recommendations turned into parenting orders.  Because of this imbalance, polarized parents become extreme in their efforts to preserve their position and often create an irreconcilable riff that will take years to heal, if ever. The stress of going through the family court system always negatively impacts both mom and dad, creating losses that are visible financially and invisible emotionally.

Two core problems with family law are:

1)      Court appointed psychologists

2)      Court appointed minor’s counsel and mediators 

Core problem 1 – Court Appointed Psychologists

Court appointed psychologists are are protected by statute even more then an elected official.  In California for instance, psychologists have “absolute protection” and can say anything they want without facing discipline of any kind. 

I am familiar with one case where a court ordered report was put together by two highly respected clinical psychologists. The report was primarily created by an intern. Despite being her very first case, her findings were signed off by a clinical psychologist even before he met either of the parents. The report was so biased and emotionally charged that it was actually thrown out of court by the judge. Despite this, there was no admonishment of the psychologists by the judge and the 20,000 dollar cost of the report was charged to the un favored parent. On top of that, the clinical psychologist was hired by the favored parent to give evidence at trial against the other parent, whom he had never even met.

It is incredibly unfortunate that cases such as this are common.  Despite the fact that most family law attorneys consider the psychology used by professionals to be voodoo, many judges have stated “it’s the only thing we have.” It’s kind of like using witch doctors to treat patients because there are no real doctors around.

Core problem 2 – Minor’s Counsel

The next great problem in the family law system is the freedom of minor’s counsel, who acts as the judge’s “investigator” in difficult cases.  An opposing attorney may not cross examine minor’s consul, thus allowing the judge to hear evidence which is completely subjective, and often incorrect. His “facts” are not subjected to the scrutiny of those who may be accused of all sorts of things. In a normal law court, anything anyone says is scrutinized; a process that squeezes the truth out of opposing people’s positions. Couples are not allowed this basic right.

Once a couple enters into the family law system, chances are very good the couple will be disgusted with each other for many years, sometimes the most vulnerable and important years for the children. 

Continued here http://lessonsforahappymarriage.com/blog/the-effects-of-divorce-on-children-part-2.html” The Effects Of Divorce On Children Part 2, we will look at how this system directly affects children.

You can find many articles that promise quick solutions to stop a divorce. The truth is that there are no fast rules you can follow in order to stop an impending divorce. If your partner decides to file a divorce, it could be difficult to stop it. You’re going to need a lot of effort to make your partner change his or her mind. You have to be ready to face your partner’s ire – and confront your own hard feelings as well. Furthermore, you’re going to need patience to work on your marriage because this will surely take time. Although quick results can never be guaranteed, there are solutions to stop a divorce.

One of the most effective solutions to stop a divorce is the power of persuasion. You and your partner are each given the option to slow down your divorce – if you want to. Since you’re here, you’re obviously looking for a way to fix your marital troubles and put a stop to the divorce proceedings as soon as possible and at all cost. If a divorce has been filed and you don’t like it, your only hope is to persuade your partner that your marriage is worth a second chance – and there is no better way to do this than to tell him or her about the many disadvantages of divorce.

A divorce must not be entered into lightly because its consequences are of the most serious matter. Whether or not you and your spouse have children, a divorce can strongly affect your lives. One of the most painful effects of divorce is the breaking up of a family. If you don’t have children, you and your spouse would still have to deal with discouraging thoughts about marriage and family. If you have children, you and your spouse would cause them more pain and confusion than you can imagine. Many psychologists believe that the effect lasts a lifetime, and children of divorced couples usually have poor academic performance, difficulty in their own relationships, general bitterness towards society, and familial instability right after the divorce and even as they grow older. Moreover, a divorce entails money; it is expensive. It can reduce your living standards since you will be forced to live on your own paycheck. Tell your spouse that solutions to stop a divorce must be employed because a divorce will hurt not just your children but you yourselves, your personal relationships, your faith, your romantic hopes, your pocket, and the way you live.

This is why marriage counseling is suggested before resorting to any drastic measures such as getting a divorce. If you haven’t gone through marriage counseling yet, ask your partner to consider this option and give it a try. Convince your partner that such an option isn’t only for you – it’s for his or her sake, too. Many divorce couples who filed for divorce before trying out alternatives like marriage counseling have confessed regretting their decision. They say their choice still haunt them and make them think of what could have been had they chosen to at least attempt to save their relationship. Solutions to stop a divorce abound, and you can pick an alternative, such as marriage counseling or even a trial separation, that doesn’t carry the life-changing consequences that a divorce can bring.

There is no way around it; divorce is a painful process to go through. Even when the relationship has been on a downward spiral and both parties have been miserably unhappy, ending the relationship with a divorce is a tremendous loss on both sides. Many who go through a divorce will grieve the loss of the partnership in the same way one grieves for a person who has died. In some cases, more years together will result in a greater sense of loss and abandonment when the divorce takes place. For others, even the end of a newer marriage can trigger similar feelings, with grief for the loss of a companion during a divorce compounded by the shattered dreams and hopes of the life together that was anticipated. If you are currently going through a divorce, or still reeling from a separation that is now legally complete, there are people who can help.

The Divorce Process

The main person who will help you get through the divorce process itself can be your divorce attorney. Your divorce attorney will see to it that your rights are protected, your property is divided fairly and your children are well cared for. Sometimes simply knowing that your divorce is in the able hands of your attorney gives you the necessary confidence to make it through the process. Your divorce attorney can even guide you through a mediation and amicable divorce agreement so you can avoid the stress of court altogether. This is especially true if you have children involved in the process and you are concerned about whether their rights are being protected under divorce law. If you need further assistance dealing with your divorce and don’t know were to turn, your divorce attorney may also be able to point you in the direction of a competent individual who can help you work through the many negative emotions you are reeling from.

Support Groups or Group Therapy

If the pain and loss are not getting any easier after the divorce process is complete, it might be time to consider joining a support group or group therapy. There are many divorce support groups in every area of the country, so you should be able to find one that you are comfortable with and that works well with your schedule. If you are unsure where to look for these groups, you might ask your divorce lawyer that handled your divorce proceedings for a recommendation. At the very least, you may take comfort in the fact that others are experiencing similar situations. You may also get sound advice from people who have gone through the process before you and have learned methods of coping with the situation through their own experiences.

Divorce is a challenging situation that can bring up feelings of abandonment, loneliness, anger and even grief. Don’t try to go through the process alone. If you are unsure where to turn, ask your divorce attorney for assistance in getting the support you need to survive this difficult process.

How to protect yourself from divorce

Think you already know what this subject is all about? Chances are that you dont, but by the end of this article you will!

When you learn that you are open to be receiving removed, it may be have been upcoming for a long time or it may come as a perfect astonish. whichever way, there are certain effects that you can do for yourself, your children, and your finances. This does not mean that you have to take all of your border accounts and all that you have and wipe them out.

You have to take the responsible wellbeing throughout the wedding so that you can protect yourself and all that you before and after if the wedding ever dissolves. There are customs that you can act reasonably while you are protecting your wellbeing. These are only precautions that you will penury to take nurture of if the divorce is not being wrecked agreeably.

Depending on how well you and your wife can get along at the time of the divorce, you may prefer not to act on some of the suggestions that are given. You may choose that you and your wife can work arrangements for everything lacking arguing. when workable, try and make everything go as well and as tranquil as you can.

During the second part, we must switch to a more serious side to fully communicate the subject matter in a way for all to understand.

You should alcustoms get an attorney when you are direction towards divorce. They will make assured that you are winning the crucial precautions so that you can protect what you have and all the assets you have accumulated during the wedding.

Try and protect all of your own special home that you have accumulated over the time. You penury to move papers and papers so that you are the only one that knows where they are. If you must organize them at a square trial then you must do so. However, you penury to make assured that you can keep all of your swag protected so that you have a better unplanned at cartel them throughout the divorce.

Once of the best effects that you can do before you choose to get married, is make assured that you know the qualities. Get to know them for a long phase before you choose to take the big march into wedding. You have to be able cartel so that you can feel good about marrying them. Have a long engagement so that you can see if the qualities changes any. If so, you may want to get out of the relationship before you choose to marry. This could be the best thing for both of you.

Over time, you will begin to understand how these concepts really come together if you choose to venture into this subject further.

FAILED MARRIAGES: ONE DIVORCE, TOO MANY. BY CHRIS OKAFOR

Marriage is an act of joining a man and a woman together in a holy matrimony as husband and a wife. It often calls for fun fares, weddings, celebrations and conviviality.

People spend a lot of money in planning for these big occasions and sometimes end it up cruising around the world on honeymoon. The couples had, without doubt, in church and in present of a Reverend Father, vowed to be faithful and to love one another until death do them apart. To most people who had partaken in this vow, it must be upheld with respect and dignity at all times. They sees marriage as a sacrament while to many, there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying “I do” today and within the next 4 months, it is all over.

This school of thoughts viewed the entire institution of marriage as “free-entry-free exit” kind of a contact. It doesn’t matter if their well publicised and celebrated marriage would come to a halt within months of its inception.

On the other hand, divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of marriage or marital vow before the death of either spouse. It can be contrasted with annulment, which is a declaration that marriage is void, though the effect maybe recognised in such unions such as spousal supports, child custody and distribution of property.

The problem of failed marriages and divorce around the world particularly Europe and America is so enormous and inexplicable especially when there is no basis to determine necessary or sufficient causation. It is, indeed, a social problem with a hereditary attachment of which many are completely ignorant of and never believe in existence of the following concept which I am going to outline here. When one decides to put an end to his/her marriage on a mere provocation and on issues that ought to be resolved amicably, you have no moral justification to tell your children in future that there is anything wrong with divorce or having children with different parents.

In Nigeria, for instance, there are some ethnic groups that advise their male children never to marry from a single parent or a broken home. The ironic reasons are palpable. They believed that marriage is all about tolerance and the woman being submissive to their chosen husband at all time and therefore no amount of disagreement between couples that would warrant a woman to abscond from home. In most cases, men reserve the exclusive right to send their wives out of their matrimonial home on the ground of infidelity and promiscuity.

Women are normally the victim and in contrast, because of male dominance, cultural and religious affiliations, it is customary for people in most African countries to come back home from their respective daily activities and announce to their wives that they are marrying the second or the third wife as the case may be without questioning. They have the sole right as well to have as many girlfriend(s) as it pleases them or go out and come back at will.

In fact, it is not only a taboo but it is also an abomination for average African woman to go out like their European or American counterparts, get drunk and have a one night stand that often lead to pregnancies. Such women would possibly be disgraced before their children and sent packing from home without compassion of any kind.

This is liken to ” if you cannot stand the heat get out of the kitchen” kind of marriage which have been viewed in some quarters as some kind of slavery. The truth of the matter is that some of these women knew what it meant to them for their children to be jointly raised and as such, they choose to stand the heat rather than getting out of the kitchen. The respect to their chosen husbands, no matter what he does or did is total and it is fundamentally important that they do not bring shame to their respective family no matter how wretched, poor or rich that family may be.

Recent research has shown that the evolution of marriage has taken place despite an increased life expectancy that has theoretically made a longer and healthier life together as a couple possible. Although in the past, the death of one of the two spouses was the typical end of marriage, divorce is now the most frequently observed cause.

In Switzerland, for example, the number of newly divorced residents actually exceeded the number of newly widowed residents in 1988 (OFS, 1990).

This is a relatively recent phenomenon, having existing for less than half a century and even less in some countries where it was forbidden or severely restricted until very recently (The mid 1970s in Portugal and Italy, 1981 in Spain, and not until 1997 in Ireland). Divorce is not only a legal instrument freeing a couple from wedlock, but an act that is at the heart of familial and social processes.

To understand the rise in the number of divorces in various countries, one must first understand the reasons causing couples to marry. France, Italy, Sweden, and Switzerland are representative of the diversity of marital and familial situations existing in Europe.

What we see sometimes in American reality television is an eye saw. An unacceptable situation where one is married and within 3 months, the man is sleeping with his wife mother. There is no basis of comparison between African marriages and other people around the world because what they see as a way of life is completely forbidden in Africa. Again, most people see this as being totally primitive.

It is difficult for average women in Europe generally to stick to their marriage when they eventually realized that their husbands are cheating on them. That would invariably be the last straw and would be used as an affront to divorce in which they would be beneficiary to their husband’s stupendous wealth and without recourse to how such separation would affect their children.

The ratio is 1 out of every hundred and we have seen this ratio at work sometime ago when a footballer wife defiantly resisted their former assistant shameless confession in order to thwart her marriage. She chooses to stand firmly by her husband throughout the trying period. In United States, during Bill Clinton era, a similar newspaper unconfirmed report between Bill and a Monica Lewinski almost ruin the marriage between the then president and his wife. Again, the latter choose to remain with the husband rather than divorce.

This is just one in a million and like a reoccurring decimal, one hardly turns the pages of newspapers these days without reading about ones divorce or the other. There are countless number of lawyers placing adverts on newspapers and magazines for cheap divorce rates.

Today, one of the primary reasons why most celebrities cannot marry is that they are not ready to let what they have laboured all their entire life to be given to a nitwit in the name of divorce settlement .It is quite obvious that people go into marriage for number of reasons while some people, most especially women, go into marriage for the financial gains not really because they needed a family.

According to Jenny Burley and Francis Regan, the Irish story of family law reform in the post-second world war era is quite different from the experience of other countries. One of the main reasons why the story is different is that from 1937 divorce was banned under the Irish constitution. Divorce law reform therefore required a referendum to change the constitution. Even though there were thousand of separated people in Ireland in early 1980s, the proposal to introduce divorce was vociferously opposed in referenda in 1986 and 1995.

The opposition to constitutional change was fuelled by anti-divorce campaigns which used fear tactics, related to money, children, property and inheritance to argue that divorce would tear apart the very fabric of Irish society. The campaign also claimed that divorce would open floodgates to marriage breakdown. The availability of this divorce in Ireland since 1997 has not, however, borne out of dire predictions of the anti-divorce campaigners.

Successful and failed marriages have its origin and background from family circles and some people has argued that it would take a divine intervention for the products of broken homes to triumph where their parents have failed. This is simple. Children learn a great deal from the good and the bad we do at home.

What are responsible for most ignominious exit in most marriages particularly from most women are sheer greed, drink and drugs, insatiable lust and lack of tolerance, which unavoidably, is contributing immensely to the drastic decadence in family and societal values.

The devastating effects of divorce on children and families are enormous. Research made by Dr.Todd.E Linaman on families noted the following:

Future effects of divorce

• Children deal with the effects of divorce not only as children, but into adulthood. The effects of divorce will impact the next generation of children as well.

• The child’s suffering from the effects of divorce does not reach its peak at the time of the divorce and then level off. Rather, the emotional effects of divorce can be played and replayed throughout a child’s life.

Academic effects of divorce

• Children from divorced families drop out of school at twice the rate of children from intact families, and they have lower rates of graduation from high school and college.

• Children from divorced homes performed more poorly in reading, spelling, and math and repeated a grade more frequently than did children not facing the effects of divorce.

Social effects of divorce

• Children of divorced parents are significantly more likely to become delinquent by age 15, regardless of when the divorce took place, than are children not dealing with the effects of divorce.

• The single best predictor of teen suicide is parental divorce and living in a single-parent household.

• Comparing all family structures, drug use in children is lowest among children not facing the effects of divorce.

Emotional effects of divorce

• Divorce has been found to be associated with a higher incidence of depression; withdrawal from friends and family; aggressive, impulsive, or hyperactive behavior; and either withdrawing from participation in the classroom or becoming disruptive.

• Adult children of divorced parents experience mental health problems significantly more often than do the adult children who didn’t witness the effects of divorce as children.

Relational effects of divorce

• After divorce, children tend to become more emotionally distant from both parents.

• As adults, children of divorced parents are half as likely to be close to their parents as are children not dealing with the effects of divorce.

• In their own marriages, children of divorced parents are more likely to be unhappy, to escalate conflicts, and to reduce communication with their spouses.

• Some studies concerning the probability of divorce for children of divorced parents have found the risk to be more than twice the risk for children who haven’t personally experienced the effects of divorce.

This is just one of the numerous factors affecting divorce on families and the list is endless. One thing about people that I have met in my life is that they do not realize the impact of the mistake they must have made in terms of making a decision that would ultimately shape their life until such mistake begin to hit them. It is, however important amidst these factors that we should think very carefully before considering divorce.

Chris Okafor

Galway Ireland: chrisokafor@myself.com