Getting a Divorce

The total number of reasons for a divorce between two people who said “I do” awhile back are too numerous to count. The courts and the state would prefer that they try to work things out, which is one of the reasons that marriage counseling services are made available at minimal cost or even for free in many places. A marriage is also a legal entity, so the courts would prefer that the couple stay married, although it is well known that often this is not possible or desirable.

In the case of a fault divorce, one or both of the partners have done something that is the grounds for requesting the divorce. In other words, it is the “fault” of the other. For whatever reason, things cannot be worked out between the two parties and they have determined that divorce is their best option. This is contrasted with a no-fault divorce, where both couples agree that the marriage is just not working for whatever reason, and both parties agree that a divorce is the right thing to do. In best case, this is also sometimes known as an uncontested divorce.

Since divorce law varies widely from state to state, not all states recognize or allow a fault divorce. Some states also require the couple to participate in multiple sessions of marriage counseling services before they will move forward with the divorce.

There are many things which can contribute to a fault divorce. One of the more common things is the cruelty of one of the partners to the other. This happens when one partners inflicts pain on the other. This is not limited to physical pain or abuse, which is an entirely separate matter since that gets into legal jurisdiction with the police. But it can be unnecessary emotional pain to the other. Constant yelling, name calling, and verbal abuse are all forms of this type of fault.

Another very common reason for a fault divorce is adultery, where one partner has an affair with another person. This situation can get sticky, because if the person being cheated on is aware of it for a time and does nothing about it, then the fault divorce case could contend that the partner actually condoned the affair, so if you are in this particular situation, be aware of the legal arguments that could be brought against your fault divorce claim.

Desertion or abandonment is another reason for fault divorce. This is where one partner just moves out and goes to live elsewhere, perhaps with another person and perhaps on their own. They just do not want to be with their original partner any more. This is certainly grounds for a fault divorce. This is similar to a situation where one partner is put into prison for a number of years.

The reason for proving fault in a divorce is that one partner may end up getting a greater share when assets are divided, but again this varies by state, and proof of the alleged fault will need to be obtained and presented.

To end a marriage, both spouses usually hire lawyers to represent them.  This method is the most commonly used but it could be financially draining to both parties.  One cheap alternative to get a divorce is to use a divorce kit.  Divorce kits contain all the necessary forms both parties need to fill up and present to the court. It can be purchased through an attorney but today, there are software and online application forms available.

 A divorce kit sounds like a good idea to terminate your marriage.  It seems like the best option since you don’t have to go through the normal, mentally, emotionally and financially exhausting process.  However, divorce kits should only be considered under certain circumstances.  The first is that both parties have already agreed on the terms of their divorce, legal division of financial assets and properties, child custody and support and alimonies. 

Second, your marriage should end in a no-fault divorce.  If you can’t meet these two conditions, then you shouldn’t even think of considering using a divorce kit.  A no-fault divorce means just like how it sounds; no one is at fault.  It’s a situation where both parties did nothing wrong or turned back on their vows, but they wish their marriage terminated. Whenever you hear a marriage that ended due to “irreconcilable differences”, that usually means it’s a no-fault divorce. 

 Since you won’t be hiring any lawyers, you will need to take care of the following yourself.

• Personal Information of both the husband and the wife.  Full name, date of birth, date and location of their marriage and the place where their divorce will be filed

• The spouse must meet a residency requirement.  Every state has a residency requirement; if you can’t meet the requirement in your state, you can’t file your divorce papers.

• Both parties should agree on child custody and support.  A mutual decision has to be made whether there will be joint custody or which parent will be granted primary custody.  The issue of how much child support one parent is required to give will also be covered as well as any other expenses incurred for the child’s welfare.

• Both parties should agree on the division of properties and assets.  You should list down all assets you share with your spouse, provide all the necessary information to make things easier for both you and your spouse.  Everything must be discussed and ironed out, especially mortgages and debts.  Common sense dictates that whoever will be living on the mortgaged property should be responsible for refinancing; the name of the other spouse should no longer be included in the loan.

• Another issue both party should agree upon is the alimony; who should provide it and how much. 

Most divorce kits come with an instruction manual so you won’t be confused throughout the ordeal.  However, if you still don’t understand some of the steps and requirements, approach a lawyer and consult your case.  Divorce kits certainly isn’t for everybody; it requires that both parties to be in the same page before the termination of their marriage.

If you have not noticed, many embattled couples are opting for DIY or do it yourself divorce. Having limited finances is the primary reason why people are finding this option quite attractive. In other cases, a general mistrust of divorce lawyers and their “tactics” are making couples feel as if they can handle their affairs better on their own, and with less money to squander away too. Others simply dread the courtroom drama ala TV and movie production. Do it yourself divorce can be accomplished, even by people who has very limited knowledge of the law. Other advantages of DIY divorce include: having the last say in all legal matters; little or no expenses when it comes to legal representation; a quiet settlement without all the drama; and of course, less emotional and mental strain on all parties involved.

Additionally, some companies that offer DIY divorce kits have complete forms that can be downloaded online anytime. This is more convenient that going to the local or nearest divorce courts and asking for official forms in person. However, a DIY divorce kit is not a guarantee that things will go exactly as planned, and that this procedure will be as easy as pie. Needless to say, divorce never came with a guarantee tag or a certificate that ensure that things will become easier afterwards. Assuredly so, you will be facing some rough waters in the future, but these kits may offer you a bit of help in steadying your course. Here are some other truths when it comes to doing the legal procedures of divorce on your own.

A DIY divorce kit is not synonymous to a lawyer’s degree. At one point or the other, you would need a legal representative to consult. You do not have to retain the services of a full time lawyer, but you may want to avail of legal aid if only on a consultation basis. Ask your potential attorney if he or she is willing to offer a pre-paid legal plan (also called un-bundled service.) Here, you basically do most of the paper work and legwork like filling in forms, submitting documents, following up on your spouse’s files, etc. This will help you save other thousands of dollars in billable time.

In turn, your attorney could act as your mediator, set up meetings with the other party, schedule a date with a judge at a court law, and advise you on technical matters if there are complications along the way. Here is the clincher, though: a DIY divorce kit will only work if you and your spouse agree to a mediatory divorce, and that you are willing to learn some basics when it comes to divorce laws. But if you or the other party plan to take your case and present it out in court, it would be wiser to hire the services of a professional – and make that a very well referenced divorce lawyer at that. A divorce court judge may just turn the tide of favor over to your spouse if you present a sloppy case.

Sometimes in life we are headed down a certain road but then realize we need to change our mind about where we want to go. If your marriage is headed for divorce and yet you are now having second thoughts, you may suddenly feel like you are on the wrong road and want to change course fast.

This reminds me of my friend Joe – he was in the same situation. Initially, Joe had instigated the divorce process with his wife. At that time, things had not been going well in his marriage, and he was absolutely convinced that divorce as the smartest path to happiness. He called a lawyer and that was that.

Then, one day, Joe was looking at some old photos of he and his wife on a beach. They had been taken while on vacation in Maine, a far cry from their home in Southern California. The beach was romantic and mysterious, and in the evening light the couple had been taking a walk when they came upon a little restaurant near the water. They pulled up some chairs and proceeded to eat the best clam bake of their lives.

The memories came flooding back to Joe, and he wished he were back in her arms right now, there on that beach in Maine. Then he snapped back to reality. Trouble was: he was already 6 months into a marital separation and 2 months into official divorce proceedings. And his wife was living 50 miles away in a different town.

Joe immediately knew he had made the wrong decision about his divorce: he desperately wanted his wife back. No, he needed her back. So, he set out on a fact finding mission to find out what he could do.

Can you stop the divorce process? Here is a summary of what Joe found out:

1. You can’t stop a divorce if your spouse wants a divorce:

Marriage is viewed as a partnership contract. Therefore, there is no way to stop your divorce if your spouse wants a divorce.

2. Divorce is a no-fault deal:

In most states, divorce is a no-fault deal, meaning that a spouse who wants a divorce can do so without the consent of the other spouse.

3. In legal terms, every divorce has a timeline called a chronology:

Although it varies from state to state, every divorce has its own chronology of about 7 steps, including: filing of the complaint, response, document exchange, settlement, issuance of the divorce decree, trial, and possible appeal.

4. Whether you can stop the divorce depends where you are in the chronology:

Most states have waiting periods between the time of filing for a divorce and the time the divorce is finalized. If both wanted to stop the divorce, both spouses would then withdraw their divorce petition.

5. Find out whether the judgment has been granted:

If you think you can turn your marriage around, find out first whether judgment has been granted. If it has not, and if your spouse agrees, you can ask the judge to stop the divorce proceedings.

Once Joe knew the facts, he got on the proverbial war path to get his life back together. No longer apathetic about his marriage or feeling disempowered in his situation, he set out to win his wife’s love back.

When you take a good long hard look at your marriage and have come to the conclusion that divorce is in your near term future, this is a great time to be thinking about your financial future and how to protect as much of your finances and assets as possible. You need to be doing this prior to starting divorce proceedings because after you’ve started the process, you may be severely limited as to what you can do financially that would be seen as benefiting you personally.

In talking with your spouse, if it appears that the divorce is going to be a friendly one, also known an uncontested divorce, this may be unnecessary but it is still a good idea. Even the best of friends can part ways in a hurry if there is money at stake.

Sit down with your spouse and determine where you can cut back, starting immediately, so that you can keep more money in your pocket. Perhaps you can just get a Sunday delivery of the newspaper instead of daily. Maybe you can reduce your cable TV bill by removing the premium movie channel option. Depending on how the divorce proceedings work out, you may need the money you are saving here via these reductions.

One thing that many do not think about but which is critical is that you should close all your joint credit cards. If you still need the credit card, then you can contact the credit card issuer and ask them to reissue a card that is just in your name instead of in both of your names. As time goes on, if your spouse gets upset with you, this would prevent them from going on a shopping spree to charge all your credit cards to the hilt, where you would end up being responsible for at least half of the balance due, if not all of it.

You should also close any joint bank accounts that you may have. When you open a new account, do so at a different bank in your area. If you have been with the same bank for a long time, there is a chance that your spouse could withdraw the entire balance of the account just because the teller happens to recognize your spouse by sight. Legally this should not happen but it does happen, so take steps to prevent it.

If you are like most people and your employer has a 401k program or some type of retirement or pension program that you contribute to, contact your employer about temporarily stopping your contributions to that program. Remember, in worst case, your spouse will get half of that, so there is no sense in continuing to put more money into it. You can resume your contributions after your divorce is finalized.

Be smart about your divorce preparation. If you prepare for the worst, then you are ready and hopefully things will not go totally south. Even if it looks like the divorce will be friendly and uncontested, things can change in a heartbeat and there is no reason to leave yourself exposed financially.

Filing for divorce can be a very emotional time for both parties involved. Most of the time the broken couple can’t stand to be around each other, let alone actually sit down and try to converse. The end of a marriage doesn’t have to escalate into arguments and accusations. It doesn’t have to become a situation where one person comes out victorious and the other comes out victimized.

Sadly, this is very seldom the case. Couples can always file their divorce case without seeking the help of a lawyer or mediator; however, with complexities of the heart, it is best to allow an outside party to handle the painful finalities.

In a perfect world, the end of a failed relationship would entail a last tearful good-bye and closure would be obtained. Unfortunately, that is almost never the case and peaceful separations are almost unheard of. Depending on the length of the relationship and the amount of assets the couple has acquired; divorce can quickly become a full-blown battle.

At this point, hiring a lawyer is a necessity. When you hire legal professionals, you are paying for their legal knowledge to assist you in securing what you are rightfully entitled to. A good divorce lawyer should be able to handle all aspects of your divorce from start to finish. Nobody wants to build a relationship with their new legal advisor; only to find out that they must seek different representation for the child custody aspect of their case.

Simple divorce has long become a thing of the past since we entered into the new millennium. Divorce issues are much more complicated and in-depth then they were 20 years ago. Seeking professional legal help will expedite the process and allow both parties to begin rebuilding their lives.

Family law attorneys are generally the most popular choice when it comes to cases of divorce. These lawyers specialize in divorce, child custody, alimony, and other relevant areas of family law.

A professional family law attorney will be accessible to you throughout the duration of your divorce process. You will find that most lawyers practicing in family law are compassionate and sympathetic to your situation. An experienced professional will more than likely have a set outline that is followed by the majority of their clients, as well as good working relationships with most of the court systems that will be involved in your proceedings.

So, after the decision has been reached to hire an attorney; the task of locating a competent and reputable legal firm begins.

Finding a suitable lawyer can become quite a difficult chore if you merely decide to browse the yellow pages. How much can you really learn about a lawyer in a few lines of print ad? This was one of the few sources available to you years ago, but has steadily become replaced by more efficient and informative systems.

It is imperative to utilize all online and offline resources in your search. Surfing the web is obviously one of the preferred methods for finding the comprehensive information needed to make an informative decision. Most of the relevant information pertaining to a lawyer’s firm will be listed on their website along with other useful information that may help you with your questions and concerns.

Pay close attention to the area of expertise of each lawyer and take note of any extra information that may be helpful to you during your selection process. The more you educate yourself at the beginning of your case; the more likely you will have a favorable outcome at the end.

Before you present your case to the chosen lawyer or law firm, make sure all financial terms have been discussed, agreed upon, and then put into writing. Take the time to understand all terms and conditions before finalizing your agreement; this will prevent any unexpected delays in the process and allow your attorney to explain what to expect throughout your divorce proceedings.

Most couples encounter certain period of adjustment especially in the early part of marriage. Conflicts and disagreement between husband and wife is sometimes natural and normally resolved. But in order to save marriage from divorce it takes two to tango. Some people think that divorce may be one way out of the problem but still successful marriage is worth the effort.

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Perhaps with our busy lifestyle, we sometimes ignore marriage as a routine and slowly the relationship drifts apart. This is where frustration and feeling of rejection takes place. In order to save marriage from divorce there are so many factors to consider.

Communication plays a great role to save marriage from divorce. Always take your time to talk with your spouse in a calm and cool way possible. Try to avoid being so emotional, being mad when talking things out with your partner. Try to control your anger and always remember that patience is a virtue.

Always respect your spouse and your marriage. Couple should always act and decide as a team. Complimenting your partner even in a simple thing he has done and achieve is a good way to save marriage from divorce. Give them space to breath, to grow and believe that no one else in this world is born perfect.

Make sure to give your family a quality time, especially your spouse. Try to plan for a date in one of your favorite restaurants. Take your time to talk and laugh with your imperfections and mistakes. Always give your love ones a warm hug to let him feel secure. Just bear in mind that there is no such thing as perfect marriage. Good Luck!

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Divorce Advice

Divorce is one of the most painful processes that a couple can go through because it is a process where fault is established and it is also where the custody of the children and assets are fought for, which are both emotionally and psychologically taxing. Given this, there has been a lot that has been written on how people can better prepare or deal with the divorce proceedings, which include advice on how to plan a strategy on how assets can be divided. Although these have helped people deal with the process of divorce better, they only cover the period up to when a final settlement is reached and they seem to overlook the “after,” wherein people who just got divorced also need advice on how to move on with their lives.

Healing process

A divorce can be described as a “break” or a “wounding process” wherein relationships are severed, which could leave a painful wound for those who have decided to part ways. Given this, there is a need for people to be guided on how to begin and undertake a healing process so that they can move on with their lives. As with any “break,” the first step that people should take is to allow themselves to grieve the loss that they have just experienced. This is an important first step, for more details visit to www.tips-getting-healthy.com as this would allow a person to feel and move through the emotional pain of losing someone. In some cases it would be helpful to document such feelings in a journal as a means of venting them.

The next step in the process is to muster enough determination and decide to heal, to forgive the other party and to move on with their lives. This is also an essential step as this can free a person from feeling anger and bitterness for the rest of his life as a result of the divorce. In addition, doing so can also open up other opportunities for growth and healing. Lastly and more importantly, for more details visit to www.make-ezee-money.com which include advice on how to plan a strategy on how assets can be divided?  people who have just gone through a divorce would also do well to surround themselves with a healthy support system who would support them in the healing process. This is very important as having people who care about them can provide the motivation to stay the course of healing from a divorce.

Copyright (c) 2008 Phillip Booker

This article will provide you with some basic divorce advice. Did you want advice, to know about my personal fight, or did you visit this article to discover what was meant by… And Sex?

I’ll get the sex bit out of the way first. We need sex and yearn for sex, this is nothing more than our bodies tell us every day. But the whole separation and eventual divorce scenario puts that sex on hold. There will be a few among us who find no difficulty in introducing sex back into their life immediately. But the majority; including myself find that difficult to manipulate, create, tempt or even buy.

So yes… Sex becomes a difficult subject. The older we are when we separate the more difficult the sex becomes. Those in their twenties remain vibrant in personality and have a better success rate with one night stands. I’ve never been one for one night stands, but under these desperate circumstances, the alternative is thought of regularly.

So here is my advice… Accept that sex maybe two years away; anything sooner is a bonus. Psychologically this helps your mind-set. Acceptance is the first step to tolerating your desires. When you are actively trying to date after separation, the pressure is horrendous; as you know some of the expected conversation will be about your impending divorce.

Forget sex and dating, this will take the pressure off. If by chance it happens then that is fine. For many though sex needs to happen in a relationship, especially women. For women to enjoy sex there must be an emotional release to experience the finer points of making love.

For men the hurdle is more physical; and women emotional. Either way the yearning doesn’t stop. My own journey was personal satisfaction to rid the yearning. This takes the heat out of my yearning for a few days, a tricky subject to talk about, but nonetheless a necessary requirement.

If you set your stall out for sex within a month of separation, and then don’t achieve that goal, you become disappointed and will possibly slide into a depression. Try to keep smiling and as your face lights up with the smile the opposite sex will be attracted to it. Be duly warned that expectation of sex can lead to sadness, frustration and probable depression.

It is a similar to building a house; you need to start with the foundations. A smile is the foundation of being attractive.

As I now leave sex and move on to other aspects of divorce, may I offer you one final piece of advice? Allow yourself an hour a day to wallow in your misery. Once that hour is up, pick yourself up, brush down and be ready to face the world again with a positive attitude. This hour will decrease as time moves on.

There is a great life that lays head after divorce. You will be able to move on with your life. You can get up and move to a new place and start a new life. Some people will do just that. They will change jobs, they will refinance, and they will begin to date again. Just because the divorce is done and is final, this doesn’t mean that you have gone through all the steps. You still have to pick up the pieces and try to move on. It’s hard for many to move on because they have spent so much time with that person and it can be hard to break up someone who doesn’t want to. There are many feelings that you will go through, however you will find there is a lot of hope that lies in the bounds of the aftermath.

Divorce is something that no one wants to face. It is however a complicated situation that many people have to find the strength to get through. Sometimes there are hard feelings between the two couples and sometimes the couple will still get along well. It is hard to tell what is going to happen and sometimes you just have to see how it goes. The ball is in your court and you need to make the best choices that you can.

It will be a difficult time following a divorce, that you can be sure of. You may have to start from nothing. You will have new views, new goals, a new life. You can leave everything behind or you can build yourself back up. Some people just find it easier to leave everything than truly deal with anything. It is a hassle to go through a divorce and the alimony can make you need to get another job. You will find there are so many aspects of divorce that can cause you to take up drinking, but then there are so many more solutions that you can apply to make things better. You can improve situations by going for an important job that you didn’t want to take because of your family. You have nothing holding you back. You can redo everything your way. You don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone but yourself.

For sure; once you are divorced, you do not need to be having an relationship or anything intimate with your ex. This is not something that is wise because of the issues that will come with it. You want to break your ties so you are free and able to move on easily to better and bigger friendships and relationships.

You will want to remain friendly with your former wife or husband. This is for obvious reasons. As life runs smoother, you will find it to be a lot easier accomplishing tasks. Don’t be too kind or too hurtful, neither will do you any good. You do not want to get involved with the complicity of having sex with your ex when you are trying to rebuild your life and make something better for your future.

Now I do recall on two occasions having sex with my ex-girlfriends. But having sex with your ex-wife has a deeper cut to heal. The sex with my ex-girlfriends was good, but the difference is that you can walk away from that experience and it has no repercussions. Whereas sex with your ex-wife or ex-husband has both an implication of an unfinished relationship, or it has desperation written all over it. Either way the mental anguish the starts to unfold the day after, can be too much to understand and interpret.

When you are trying to rebuild your life, you want to do the right moves, with proper thought and planning. You need to make the right choices for you and you family so that you are not putting anyone’s well-being at risk. This will also include your ex. When you are still carrying on an intimate relationship with your ex partner, you will find that you may be setting either one of you up for a big fall. This is not something that you should be doing at this stage of the game.

A divorce is something that can be complicated and when you are combining sex with your ex, you are only making the situation more complicated. You need to make sure that you are severing these ties and making it clear that you are not interested in this part of your life any more. What you need of course is to make sure of this before you file for divorce.

Although it is important, having a physical relationship is not the only thing that matters with a marriage. All the other segments need to be present to. As I’m talking about divorce, I see little reason on dwelling on aspects of a good marriage. That is a separate article altogether.

There are so many complications to worry about when you are trying to rebuild your life after a divorce. You do not want to have to deal with too much when you already have so much on your plate. You want to be careful and make the wise decisions that you know you can make. You have to be willing to let the physical side of your relationship go so you can free your mind and body up for the next chapter in your life.

To conclude… as with any major change in life you need to rebuild with good foundations and don’t squander any advantages you achieved in your life to date. Male or Female, try your utmost to build slowly, but do so sensibly. Such wise decisions will at some time in the future be appealing to a new partner. Misuse this time and it may come back to slap you in the face.

Mr. P. Booker My Personal Story

If your relationship has ended but you want to stop divorce you have to get the other person to give your relationship another chance. Some times this can be very hard if not impossible at other times. A divorce can be stopped at any time before the final paper work has been signed, but the sooner you can get it stopped the greater your chances that your partner will not restart the divorce process up again.

To get the other person to stop a divorce and give the relationship another go you will have to try and be mature, in other words change your tactics. If you have been begging and pleading for your ex to take you back then you have to stop that right away.  That tactic almost never works ant most likely will cause them to think that the divorce is a good idea. No one wants to stay with someone who is acting immature and out of control of their emotions and their life.

If you can calm down and start acting in a more mature manner it could make the other person see you differently and want to stop divorce actions and give you and the relationship another try. It will most certainly cause them to at least listen to what you have to say. And that will give you the opportunity to state your case in a calm way on why you think the divorce is not the right action at this point.

Once you are able to reestablish communication you may want to suggest marriage counseling to help stop divorce actions. Counseling has worked or millions of couples and could very well work for you also.

When you do stop divorce it is still work to keep a relationship alive and you will have to face the fact that it may take some time to work through the problems hat caused you to get to this point in your relationship.