Lisa Brown asked:

elationship Advice – How to Make Yourself Irresistible

I’ve learned a secret about what’s going on 99% of the time when someone is not giving you the respect, admiration, or love you want. It’s a secret that probably not in 1 in 1,000 people will ever figure out on his own.

Think about the last time you felt unappreciated at home or work. Didn’t at least part of your distress stem from the fact that you had no idea why this person wasn’t responding to you?

I think the reason why we don’t figure out the secret to making ourselves irresistible is that it’s the opposite of what we’ve been taught about relationships.

Let me explain…

Most of us are taught that when a relationship is struggling, we should be extra nice, thoughtful, and giving. These are wonderful qualities, and we should all strive to have them. In my view, these qualities enhance all relationships.

However, they are usually not the key to getting respect, appreciation, or love from people who are withholding it from you.

The Circle

In Stop Your Divorce, Homer MacDonald explains the metaphor of the circle. Take out a piece of paper and draw a circle in it. Then, put the initials of the person you’re seeking appreciation from in the middle of the circle. Now, put your own initials outside the circle.

Here’s how the circle works.

Whenever you are inside another person’s circle, this person has trouble connecting with his respect, admiration, or love for you. In the extreme, he may even develop contempt for you.

Whenever you are outside his circle, he appreciates you. He is attentive and considerate. He goes out of his way to connect with you.

The key to making yourself irresistible to someone is to stay outside his or her circle. The circle applies to all relationships: your friends, your lover/spouse, your co-workers, and your children.

How We Get Inside the Circle

We get insider another persons circle by sucking on his energy in conversation. There are many ways to do this, but the top four are: being clingy, being controlling, being passive, and being critical.

Here are some examples of how we drain other people of energy:

1) We talk too much. Many people over-talk and cannot seem to stop this annoying behaviour. Picture James Bond, 007. Can you imagine him over-talking?

This says, Please give me your attention.

2) We talk about ourselves in an effort to impress people.

“You work for Microsoft? I know their Vice-President of Human Resources.

This says, Please give me your approval.

3) We act victimized and cold when we think some is not giving us the time or attention we think we deserve. We say things like, I just want you to put in a little effort.

This says, Please show me I’m worthwhile.

4) We are overly giving, and set aside our personal needs. I’d really rather go somewhere else, but it’s no big deal.

This says, ‘I want your approval so much I’ll put you ahead of me. Now, in return, please give me appreciation I want.’

5) We criticize people in an effort to control them. Why don’t you get a job at the golf course this summer? It’s better than being on MSN all day.

This says, Please turn into someone different so I can feel good about myself.

6) We become clingy and dote on people with over-the-top affection: You’re the most magnificent woman I’ve ever seen, and I can’t believe how lucky I am.

This says, I’m not sure I’m worthy of you.

When we drain people of energy in these ways, we get inside their circle, and they gradually stop pursuing us for time together. This hurts our confidence, because we do not know why we are being rejected.

The beauty of the circle is that you can always jump outside it and become irresistible again. The other person will immediately appreciate you more, and you will feel a dramatic boost of confidence because you are more effective in the relationship.

Confidence Exercise

For the next three days, I want you to carefully how much energy you seek from others in conversation. Try initiating less contact with others and see if they seek you out. Beware of trying to impress others; cease all attempts to control others. Do not criticize them, either. Do respond to the overtures of others in an interested way.

Visit us for more relationship advice, tips on confidence, and success.

Your friend, Lisa Lane Brown

PS – My book, The Courage to Win: A Revolutionary Mental Toughness Formula – How to Master Yourself to Make More Money, Fast Track Your Career and Win in Love is now available. The book ships immediately–and if you order now, you can get my CD, The Courage to Win in Relationships: How to Make Yourself Irresistible with FREE shipping.

 

Peter Blake asked:

You are likely to get different divorce advice when you ask for it, depending on who you ask.

You should be clear in your mind exactly what you want to know before asking for divorce advice. You will then know what questions to ask. Do NOT make the common mistake of not differentiating all the different divorce categories, as there are many different divorce categories to look for.

Mind Is Fully Made Up

If your mind is fully made up to get a divorce, however tough it may be, then the advice you seek should be relevant to getting a divorce as soon as possible. This will probably involve meeting with lawyers, so essential you have all the proper information to give them. He or she will then be better prepared to provide you with the proper divorce advice.

Not Sure…

However, if you are not totally sure you want to get a divorce you would be wise to talk to a lawyer or financial expert to ask advice about the financial implications. Divorce advice regarding the wellbeing of your children can usually best be obtained from specialists. Marriage counselors are best qualified to give you advice on every aspect of getting a divorce. It’s in your best interests to consult more than one person when you are seeking divorce advice.

When you are sure the divorce is agreed to by both parties, and will be clean and simple without any financial problems then such a divorce should not require any complicated divorce advice. Both parties will have already agreed to getting divorced, so should be emotionally well prepared, with no particular outstanding worries – only sadness. The kind of divorce advice under such circumstances would not normally have very great financial implications, and would probably deal only with a pre-nuptial agreement or even a mutually agreed-to divorce.

However, if you must get divorced perhaps the best divorce advice you can ever get is one which enables you to take care of all the matters on your own by talking to friends, counselors and family. Ultimately the divorce is your decision and only you should be able to think and act it out as best as you can. My advice: Try avoiding divorce at all, if you can, as often painful for all concerned!

Malinda W Smith asked:

Today many people are wiling to discover important tips on how to find out if someone is divorced. This is very interesting and crucial matter and people should be aware of this.

Instead of using your sixth sense, there are many ways to find out whether an individual you are interested in or dating is divorced or not, which will also determine how best to approach a relationship and to make further plans.

Usually many websites are offering important tips on how to find out if someone is divorced but very few actually have this information and can help you with this matter. When conducting a family background investigation on a person, you may discover a need to find out if that person has been divorced or not. Some years ago, this sort of investigation required a licensed computer software program.  But today, you can easily discover this information available online for a moderate fee. You must guarantee, when conducting the search that you utilize a website that is genuine and reliable.

Now the question arises that how we can figure out if a website offering tips on how to find out if someone is divorced is legitimate or reliable. Mostly those website that charge you a fee for this service are legitimate and provide accurate information.

Normally, divorce records are kept by a state’s department of vital records or department of health, as well as by the court of law. To find out the actual marital status of a person may be as simple as walking up to a clerk in one of these departments and asking. Obtaining this information can be very complicated or expensive if you are not in a direct relation.

Now, you can have this information if you have a credit card and access to internet. Just make sure that the website providing you tips on how to find out if some is divorced is legitimate and not a scam trying to take your money.

You should know that all the websites on internet help you to discover if an individual is divorced or not. Theses website resources are not legitimate to provide you any copy of the divorce papers and if someone offers you a copy then both parties will be considered of doing an unlawful activity. So it means that the public is just allowed to find if someone is divorced or not, they are not permitted to get any copy of the divorce documents.

Chris Jensen asked:

Do you find yourself clueless on what you should do after your divorce?  Do you feel that you can’t seem to have a plan for yourself to follow now that you’re in a difficult situation? Divorce is considered to be one of the most difficult challenges especially for women. A woman is more emotional and that makes her feel more devastated going through divorce. However, women would be able to move on and rebuild their lives for themselves and for their children if they have a plan and list of things to do during this difficult time. Here are some helpful divorce advices for women that she truly needs at the moment:

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1. Be Financially Ready

This is the number one divorce advice for women that they need to follow. Women should be financially ready when going through divorce. As an independent woman now, you will need your own money to be able to maintain yourself and of course your children. Your money is also important and will be needed to hire a good lawyer that will help you.

2. Arrange Important Papers

This is one important divorce advice for women. This matter should not be taken for granted. Women should be aware about their investments, insurance policies, credit cards and even their bank accounts. Having a joint account and credit cards with your ex-husband should also be dealt. You need to make sure that you remove his name as the additional cardholder as soon as possible. Moreover, the beneficiary names in your life and accident insurance policies should also be changed immediately.

3. Hire a Good Lawyer

One great divorce advice for women is to hire a good divorce lawyer. The lawyer will be the one who will help you about your legal rights and will give you legal advices that you really need. So hiring a good divorce lawyer for you is a must. The divorce lawyer will help you get the best divorce settlements that you deserve.

4. Consult a Therapist

Visiting a therapist is one excellent divorce advice for women. Divorce can give you a lot of pain and stress and will surely affect your emotional health. The therapist will be the one to help you deal with your emotions and will give you helpful advices on how to move on and take care of yourself properly.

5. Move On

This divorce advice for women is an arduous thing to do. Moving on is not an easy thing to do, but with your patience and effort you will be able to heal yourself in no time. Don’t dwell too much with the divorce and with the loss, instead move forward with life. Be positive that everything will be okay soon. Try to think of this as a new beginning for you and for your children. Make this as your learning experience that will eventually make you a better and a stronger woman ready to face the world!

Steve Murray asked:

Divorce proceedings will be hard on both the man and woman involved. However, if one is able to look at things clearly and calmly then this will help to ensure that things get dealt with not only more quickly but more fairly. In this article we offer some divorce advice for men that may prove useful should they be faced with this particular situation any time in the future.

Tip 1 – Sometimes a divorce may not be an amicable one and therefore if you find it difficult to remain civil towards your wife at these times use a lawyer or other professional to act as a mediator. This way they can look at your situation with a more objective eye and come up with a solution to your problems that will satisfy you both.

Tip 2 – To avoid having the proceedings drawn out over any period of time you must keep things as simple as possible. Although you may find it difficult don’t argue every point that your wife raises, but instead let go of those small matters which really aren’t going to be of any benefit to you. Not only will the courts see how willing you are to accept things but will ensure that the divorce is finalized far more quickly.

Tip 3 – If you have children with your wife then don’t forget to take into consideration how they are feeling about the situation. If any arguments arise concerning your children then ensure that these do not take place within ear shot of them. Along with placing unwanted pressure on your children you may find that the fragile relationship you already have with them will disintegrate altogether.

jessierey43 asked:

Elbow – Grounds For Divorce Elbow – Grounds For Divorce Elbow – Grounds For Divorce Mondays is for drinking to the seldom seen kid I’ve been working on a cocktail called Grounds for Divorce Whoah Polishing a compass that I hold in my sleeve Whoah Down comes him on sticks but then he kicks like a horse Whoah There’s a Chinese cigarette case And the rest you can keep And the rest you can keep And the rest you can keep There’s a hole in my neighbourhood down which of late I cannot help but fall …

Lisa Decker asked:

Keeping an eye on your finances is always a good idea no matter what stage of life you are in.  But when planning to divorce it is imperative to keep tabs on all of your financial details so that you don’t get short changed when the final divorce decree is handed down.

Getting It All Together

Start by gathering every possible financial document possible including (but not limited to):

Bank statements,

Credit card statements,

Auto and home loans,

Investments statements,

Retirement account statements,

Real estate property records,

Tax returns (both personal and corporate if that applies),

Life, health and disability insurance policies,

Any financial documents pertaining to businesses owned,

Deeds and titles, and

Wills and trusts

 

Mortgage applications can be especially helpful in finding hidden assets so don’t leave these out.  This is where people usually put down every conceivable asset or income item in order to get approved for the mortgage and can sometimes provide a wealth of knowledge.

While this may be cumbersome, being organized will likely save you in the long run with reduced attorney and divorce financial planning fees and can help you to capture every dollar you deserve.

Figuring Out Where Things Stand

Understanding where you are financially can help ease the financial strain and pain of divorce.  Once you have gone through the gathering process, make a list of every asset and debt item, sorting them into lists of “mine”, “yours” and “ours”. 

This is crucial if you came into the marriage with assets of your own and have kept them titled solely in your name.  Things like cash, investments, properties, vehicles, inheritance and gifts.  Of course, whatever debt you brought into the marriage individually will be considered as well.  If you shared those separate assets by depositing them into joint accounts, they are no longer separate assets and will be split among you both.

Generally, separate assets are considered apart from marital property (those things acquired while married); however, the value that those assets have grown during the marriage may be considered marital property and will be divided accordingly. 

Make sure to copy everything and put the copies in a safe place.  Records have a way of disappearing when divorce becomes imminent.  Without them you have little ammunition to get what you may right fully be entitled to.

Defensive Financial Moves

Pull Your Credit Report – Find out now about any potential problems before the divorce is final.  Make sure to get your reports from all three major credit reporting agencies – Experian, TransUnion and Equifax.  Recent changes in the law allow individuals to have a free credit report from each agency once a year.  Sometimes we see that your soon-to-be-ex has been spending on your joint accounts without your knowledge. This is a good time to review for inaccuracies as well.  It is wise to pull your credit reports again 3 months after the divorce is final as well, to clean up any discrepancies and start your new financial future fresh. Open Your Own Credit Accounts – It is important to establish credit in your own name if you don’t have any.  For many women it is wiser and simpler to do while you are still married and can qualify, than to try and do it after the divorce is done.  Getting approved for credit can be easier for an 18 year old in some cases, than for a 48 year old divorced woman. Payoff and Close Joint Credit Accounts – This is crucial in the unhitching process.  The more connected you remain financially to your ex-spouse; the more you put yourself at risk.  Even if your divorce decree divvy’s up your debt, creditors are not a part of this agreement and will hold you liable for unpaid debts your spouse may have agreed to pay.  Best bet – pay off everything if possible before the divorce is final.

 

Covering the basics in the beginning stages of your divorce can save you heartache, headaches and dollars as you move forward in the divorce process.  Think of it like building a new foundation for your financial future.

Christina Rowe asked:

So what is the most crucial secret you need to know to have a successful divorce?

It is the simplest secret, yet the most difficult one to master: Controlling your emotions!

I coach many women who just can’t seem to understand and follow this one piece of advice. Usually by the time they come to see me they have made quite a mess of things. I have coached women who have been divorced for years and still can’t control their emotions when it comes to their ex-husband!

Granted you are going through one of the most difficult times you will ever face in your life, and so you may feel angry, hurt, sad, and confused.

It will take immense stamina and self-control, but you must get—and keep—control over your emotions. Your ability to do so will affect everything from how you fare financially to how your children adjust.

Losing control and showing emotion is how you lose this war. Do not be fooled, divorce is a war. You need to prepare for battle and master the art of winning the divorce war.

How do you control your emotions when you feel like you just want to scream?

1.Do not speak to your soon-to-be ex-husband unless absolutely necessary. When you do engage in conversation, speak only about your children or other important issues. Control the temptation to tell him that he is an idiot or you hate him! When you feel that you want to say something derogatory, get off the phone or walk away. Remember self-control!

2.Resist the urge to spy on him, ask neighbors and friends about what he is doing, or grill the kids about his girlfriend. I have known women to make prank calls to their husbands, drive by their ex’s homes repeatedly, and do other crazy things that were used against them in a courtroom. One woman was actually sued because she wrote a nasty comment about her ex’s girlfriend on the Internet. She didn’t even refer to this woman by name, but the implication was enough for the judge to give her a guilty verdict and a fine.

3. Do not talk incessantly about your ex. You do need to talk to someone to let out your anger and rage, but limit your circle of listeners to a few good friends and family members. The clerk at the supermarket doesn’t need to know just what a jerk your ex-husband is! Anger is like a fire that needs fuel to grow. The more you talk negatively about your ex, the angrier you will become and thus increase the chance of losing your temper.

Overall, think about the outcome you desire. Do you want to have the judge presiding over your divorce respect you, or do you want to look like an angry, bitter wife who is out of control?

Most people lie in family court, which is why judges rely on their own impression of a couple to see if the husband or wife appears more credible. Your behavior outside of the courtroom is crucial. Out-of-control behavior will almost always wind up back in the courtroom and cost you dearly.

So see a therapist, meditate, do whatever it takes to gain self-control. This is imperative at every stage: when you are thinking about getting a divorce, during the process, or even if you are already divorced. Your ex-husband is not going to go away, unfortunately, so you will need to find a way to deal with him in a calm and dignified manner.

John Chase asked:

Bankruptcy and Divorce

It is one of those unpleasant topics to discuss. But in reality – it happens. Two people come together with love and optimism to start a new life together and then it all falls to pieces. Such is life.

Divorce can be amicable or it can be a real war of the roses. And things can get extremely messy and ugly when it comes to the division of assets and liabilities. One party might unwisely or even worse – spitefully consider to file for bankruptcy if they feel they might be ordered to make financial payments to the other party as part of a divorce settlement. Or in some cases, the effects of the divorce itself might leave one party in an unenviable financial position in which they might (again, unwisely) consider to file for bankruptcy.

What I want to stress in this article is not so much the reasons for filing bankruptcy when it comes to divorce. Because while bankruptcy attorneys are quick to take your money and give you the false impression that bankruptcy is a walk in the park – the fact is that bankruptcy is in nowhere near as simple, cut and dry, and beneficial at all when it comes to sorting out the finances of a party involved in a divorce. In fact, there a great many Negative consequences – Highly negative consequences to filing for bankruptcy, whether a divorce is involved or not.

These include: the virtual destruction of the filer’s credit record, the bankruptcy remaining on the filer’s credit record for up to a full 10 years, the near impossibility of obtaining future credit during the time period, the inability rent an apartment, being required to pay deposits for future home utilities such as gas, electricity, water, internet, cable TV, etc. and the very real possibility of being passed over for a job, as more and more employers these days are performing credit checks as part of their routine job applicant screening process.

Bankruptcy Alternatives

What you need to take with you today from this reading is the fact that bankruptcy is not the way to go. When it comes to being in a financially unstable position, there are in fact much better solutions to help one reduce and eliminate debt – without the need to even consider filing for bankruptcy. Chief among these programs is Debt Settlement. This programs involves a debt settlement firm negotiating on your behalf with your creditors to come to an agreement or settlement for a vastly reduced amount. This debt reduction is typically in the range of 50% and can be as high as 75% to 80%. Literally pennies on the dollar.

To learn more about debt settlement and other bankruptcy alternatives, please visit Total Debt Relief.

damey asked:

We start a new life, project or partnership with the hope that it will turn out to be a lifelong event that will reap positive results for us. However fate at times plays cruel tricks on us by upturning our plans. In personal relationships, a broken marriage is one such calamity that might befall a couple in spite of their best intentions. When a couple goes in for a divorce to end their marriage it can be a emotionally and physically straining time for all involved. In these circumstances it is always advisable to seek the guidance of an expert like a divorce lawyer NYC. The divorce lawyer has sufficient experience in dealing with the sensitive issues that crop up in a divorce case and handle them competently.

Many legal loopholes can crop up when handling a divorce case and issues like alimony and child custody can involve much emotional and financial strain on the couple going their separate ways. A divorce lawyer NYC is trained to deal with these issues in order to come out with the best possible solution and legal deal for his client. The past record of the divorce lawyer NYC that one chooses to hire is also of crucial importance. A success record of getting the best outcome for his client induces much greater confidence in the divorce lawyer NYC. A reference from someone known to you could also have a positive effect on your choice of divorce lawyer NYC or for that matter in any other state.

It is always advisable to seek counsel from a divorce lawyer NYC as different states may have different rules and regulations for the divorce proceedings. It is not possible for a client to be aware of these legal intricacies when he or she is filing for divorce. Consulting a divorce lawyer NYC will enable the client to get acquainted with the options available to him when he is suing for divorce. Also a divorce can get complicated depending on the circumstances under which the couple has decided to part ways. An amicable agreement to go separate ways is much less cumbersome rather than a case where the couple is engaged in a cold war with each other.

When a couple is going in for divorce the maximum emotional trauma is perhaps faced by the children, if any, as they now need to select one parent over the other. Hiring a divorce lawyer NYC will ease out the situation from a legal point of view as the client can have strong support in ensuring a judgment that gives him custody of the child. Similarly when financial deals need to be negotiated between the couple who is filing for divorce, the situation can get messy. Having the support and guidance of a divorce lawyer NYC can help you take decisions with a rational viewpoint rather than an emotional one. Hence when life gives you a raw deal, it is up to you to make the best use of available resources to emerge as a winner under any circumstances. Hiring a divorce lawyer NYC is one such practical decision that will help you overcome some aspects of a divorce as well and begin life anew.