Getting a Divorce

I’m often asked by my clients and the media what my most important tips are for thriving after divorce. Here are 5 of my Top 10 Tips to help separated and divorced individuals thrive after divorce.

1. Make a Choice: Survive or Thrive

Getting a divorce ranks right up there among the most painful life experiences. Does getting separated or divorced mean you’re doomed to fail in relationship? Not at all! It’s up to you. You can choose to simply survive and get through your divorce if you want to. Or you can choose to set the bar higher and choose to thrive instead. There is wisdom available to us from our divorce process, if we’re willing to use the experience instead of remaining a victim of it.

2. Get the Facts

It’s your responsibility to learn not only what your legal rights and obligations are, but also what your legal options are. Duking it out in court is not the only solution. There are alternatives such as collaborative law, divorce mediation or arbitration. The courts tend to view you as a file, not a family. Regardless of the legal route you choose, realize that you must be the quarterback and call the shots. If you give a busy judge with a huge caseload the responsibility for major decisions that will affect you and your family, chances are high that nobody will be happy with the final results.

3. Get Real

Divorce can be an overwhelming and confusing time. It’s important you get real with yourself about your situation. It’s difficult to move forward when you’re in denial about where you are now. Where are the holes in your support system or the gaps in your knowledge of how to navigate your divorce? If you need support, ask for it.

4. What Your Ex Thinks of You is None of Your Business

Remaining trapped in power struggles or wishing your ex-spouse will acknowledge your point of view will add some major potholes on your road to divorce. Realize that what your ex thinks of you is not your concern. The degree to which you focus on this robs you of your power. What you think of you and your decisions is what matters. Taking total responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions will put you in the driver’s seat of your life.

5. Keep Your Children out of the Cross-Fire

It seems obvious that we, as adults, should do our best to keep children out of the middle of divorcing parents. Sadly there are far too many cases of children who are caught in the cross-fire. The spectrum ranges from using children as messengers or spies, forcing them to declare their loyalties, or even outright parental alienation or abduction. Divorce is an issue created by adults and children are the innocent bystanders. Imagine a significant milestone in the future, such as your child’s wedding. What kind of memories do you want your child to have of that special day? Start building toward that memory today and keep your children’s best interests in mind.

There has been an alarming increase in divorce rates around the world in recent times. Busy lifestyle which leads to couples not spending quality time with each other is the major contributor to this increased divorce rate. The less the time that partners spends with each other, the more is the lack of understanding. In this scenario if you are someone who wants to stop divorce advice, then the answer lies in trying to make the effort to talk to your partner.

No amount of external help can save the situation for you. You can go around asking people stop divorce advice, but you need to remember, it is you who has to make the right decisions. You will first of all need to be ready to meet your partner halfway on problematic issues. If only you were able to make small adjustments earlier, there would have been no need to get stop divorce advice from all and sundry.

You will need to be brutally honest with yourself. You should accept all your shortcomings, if you are serious about rectifying the situation. This kind of effort should be made by both the partners. A divorce need not be the only way to being happy.

There are more ways than one available, if you are serious about finding stop divorce advice. The only way to do this is to sit down and talk with your partner. Both of you need to remember that no relationship is perfect. In certain cases you may also seek the help of marriage counselors. Even though you can find many sources that can advice you on how to stop a divorce, it is finally your attitude that matters.

The help you need is the “Magic of Making Up”, an excellent e-book by T. Dub Jackson. In the in The magic of making you will find some very simple ways and methods that will show you how to get your ex back. They are plain suggestions and real down to earth methods although some what unconventional to help you to get your ex back in days – not months or years. The get ex back formula is for people having an intense urge to find out ways and means to make up for their loss. They are no way black magic but works like magic to get your ex back.

That’s why it is called The magic of making up, an e-book that can make you relish the true sense of love fully renewed and rejuvenated. This magic of making up lays down all the necessary ingredients and simple yet unconventional procedures needed to get your ex back.

There may come a point in your marriage when a breakup is inevitable and if that happens a good divorce lawyer will be the first item on a list of things to do; some advice on what to look for is below:

Fully qualified to deal with your case

Have the proper demeanor

Be trusted by their clients

Whilst it is nice to know your attorney is good in divorce battles it will be to your advantage to choose one with a good mediation record. It also follows that you feel comfortable with them and feel confident they will serve you well.

Adversarial attorneys will use the hammer to crack a walnut approach which often happens when these cases go to court whereas an attorney who specializes in mediation will take a much calmer approach. Planning is all important and whilst there are things you need to prepare for, any contact with your divorce lawyer should be brief and to the point.

Costs are always an issue so write down everything you want to ask and in a logical order always making sure there is an accurate record of times dates and the duration of conversations. Keep a record of all correspondence and conversations and try where possible to have conversations on the phone which will reduce the amount of time required to see them in person.

Your attorney is there for advice and any foreseeable legal actions so do not rely on them for anything but what you are paying them for, and especially not as a shoulder to cry on. The behavior of your spouse, unless pertinent to the divorce, is of no concern to your divorce lawyer and will only distract them from the task at hand.

You really want your lawyer to know that you are in control and in charge of what is going on and that they are to help you with legal and technical issues and not to get your life straight. It is important they know any decisions regarding the divorce are yours to make and they are there for their knowledge and experience in providing legal recommendations. As the person paying for their service, you should expect to be sent copies of any relevant documents and if there are any issues that need to be clarified that a prompt response by them is expected.

Don’t think that you have to enter into proceedings armed with a lawyer in tow as they aren’t always necessary although you may wish to speak to one just for advice on a marital settlement for example. In these circumstances you may only need to write down any issues you are unsure about and speak to your lawyer regarding those, and possible outcomes. Marital settlements are something that can be arranged by the individuals involved and then have them checked by a divorce lawyer; then if things don’t work out, the lawyer can always be hired to make the divorce settlement.

When seeking a divorce, it is very important to choose the right legal advice to fight for you. Instead of working with a lawyer, it is better to work with a trained mediator as it offers lots of help, and relief in the divorce proceedings.

If both spouses decide on a single divorce mediator, they can share the cost, which may be about $1,000 to $5,000 total. With separate lawyers, each will have to pay a retainer of $1,500 just to start the proceedings. With divorce mediation, it is you, the couple who decides on how quickly or slowly the divorce decisions are made and the terms of the divorce in the Marital Settlement Agreement. Everything here is done through an agreement unlike a divorce where the attorneys set dates and judges, which takes time.

When applying for a divorce, you may face difficulties understanding laws and the paperwork that is involved with it. However with divorce mediation, all the paperwork is done by your mediator. The trauma the children face in a divorce is less with divorce mediation as they know that the parents are working together, and will not involve them.

With a divorce mediation, your marriage ends on a happier tone, where you can face your future with a better attitude. There is no steadfast rule that you have to give up going to the court with divorce mediation. If you are not satisfied with the rulings of the mediator, you can always have an individual attorney and let the judge give the final judgment. Whatever was discussed in mediation will remain a secret, and the divorce proceedings start afresh.

You can avail of sufficient legal information from the divorce mediator on making fair and just decisions. Attorneys are not permitted to advise either party; only their client. However the mediator can discuss how the court may address issues relating to your case. The mediator also encourages you both to approach individual attorneys for legal advice before agreeing to the Marital Settlement Agreement.

With a divorce, there is always the possibility of anger getting out of control in the courtroom. However, with a divorce mediator, you can voice your emotions and with their help, come across a fair decision. There is no chance of your emotions controlling the decision making process. You can be sure that all information exchanged in divorce mediation is and remains confidential. You are both encouraged to see the positive sides in each other to reach an amicable agreement. This helps in retaining goodwill in matters needing future contact between the two like in parenting.

When choosing a divorce mediator, make sure that they are knowledgeable in family law and counseling, child development and meditation process. With a mediator, a team of mental health professionals and attorneys your divorce mediation runs better. Find out their experience as those with an experience of at least ten cases is the better choice. To find out the benefit of divorce mediation, listing out the pros and cons of your divorce proceedings will show you that the divorce mediation is indeed a better choice for you.